1. Find a stool or chair to climb up and get out that punchbowl that's been in the back of a cabinet since the millennium New Years Eve. If there's mouse poo in it give it a good washing; otherwise wipe out the dust with a towel. Ditto the glass cups with it, if any remain.
2. Take the block of frozen strawberries that have been in the freezer gathering ice, chisel off the cardboard wrapper and toss into the punch bowl as is.
3. Pour in about half of one of those giant containers of Hawaiian Punch--about a quart and a half.
4. Add a bottle of cold tonic water.
5. Pour in half a bottle of Stirring's Simple Cosmopolitan Mix (This stuff is in the super market in the weird drink mixes section. It makes a piss-poor Cosmo, but a great flavoring for Mary and Jan's Not-So-Bad Party Punch.)
6. Cut up a lemon or lime into a dozen slices and scatter on top.
7. Dump in three or four scoops of sherbet--pretty much any flavor but the new berry flavors are best.
That's it, for your teetotaler and designated driver guests. For the rest of us:
Steps 1-7, as above (admit it, you do have a second punchbowl.)
8. Pour in a fifth of decent quality vodka.
Easy, huh? And tasty enough that we made another batch for Christmas Eve. Damn, I should've taken a picture.
